Well, it has been one year since I started treatment for Lyme disease. When I first got the diagnosis, I was relieved. Relieved that I didn’t have to argue with doctors about what was wrong with me, and more importantly, relieved that we would finally start treating the disease that was impacting my entire life.
I started treatment with a huge sense of optimism. After the first month my SED rate had dropped by 50%.I figured at that rate I would be well in no time. The doctor warned me that these things take time, but even he, who is a self-proclaimed pessimist, said he thought I would be better in a year.
For me the past year has been filled with many twists and turns. Let me start by saying that although I am better, I am not healed. My symptoms have improved dramatically, but they are still here. I still have muscle pain, joint swelling, fatigue, nerve pain, cognitive issues, and well, the list can go on and on.
As I write this post, I am able to walk independently with a cane. Not what I pictured a year ago, but I can walk on my own. Last year at this time rolling over in bed was a major project that required help. While my body is not pain free at the moment, it is not wracked with the unrelenting pain of last year.
My joints are still swollen, but this is the least swelling I have seen in my joints in 10 (that’s right ten) years. And although reading is a much slower process than I would like; I can only read a few pages before I have to stop because I can no longer absorb what I am trying to read. Last year I was having difficulty reading one single sentence. I tried breaking it up into little pieces to absorb something, but for the most part I just gave up. It was simply too frustrating.
The migraines that were an all too familiar occurrence have now become only an occasional problem. The fatigue seems to come and go, but without the intensity that it had at its peak. And the twitching that was an almost daily annoyance, comes back once in a while to remind me the battle is still ongoing.
All in all, I have a long way to go before I could consider myself cured, but I have come so far and for that I am thankful.
Lyme disease has taken so much from me. Two of my children don’t even remember what I was like before all this sickness. They were just too young when this started. It makes me angry that I was never able to do some of the things that I wanted to do with them because I have been so sick. But for as much as Lyme disease has taken from me, it has given me much to be grateful for.
I am truly grateful for my family. You know what real love is when you are at your sickest, most desperate moment, and they are simply there. There with a gentle touch or simple word of encouragement or kind gesture. My mother-in-law spent day after day cleaning my house, doing my laundry, and checking to make sure I was still one of the living for months. The love was felt in every one of those kind gestures. My husband has been there to pick me up when I have fallen (both literally and emotionally), and encouraged me when I didn’t have the strength to do it for myself. I have seen a side of my children that most parents don’t. They are kind, compassionate young men, and I am so honored to call myself their mother.
And finally I am grateful for the truly inspiring people that I have met on Twitter, Facebook, and recently on Google+. People like @HannahKicksLyme, @thenameiskate8, @LymeChick, @AlisynGayle, @Berylmom, @Zebrafinch, @Crashmair and @dizzygrl05 (just to name a few) have saved me from the isolation and fear that this disease brings. They have shown me empathy and complete understanding of the pain that I have been going through. There have been times when I thought I simply could not take any more, and in those moments, there was always one of them there; telling me that it would get better and it was okay to feel this way.
I don’t know that words can adequately describe how very grateful I am for all that I have been blessed with.
So as I look back on the struggles of the past year, I must also remember the triumphs. And always keep fighting for the life that all of us with this devastating disease truly deserve.
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